So I guess I have to start with the news that my husband and I got pregnant on the first try after deciding to “relax and let things happen in its own time” hehe .
We were extremely nervous but excited that it happened so fast, every day/ week that passed by we got more and more excited, we did what I think most couples do; joke about how “special/cool” parents we would be, discuss names, imagined the kid’s personality and so on..
Since I am not a very discrete person I couldn’t keep the secret (not even for a day) from my mom and family, then we told his family and I shared with my friends, everybody was super nice and celebrating the news.
I have to admit that I needed to share it with almost everyone at work because my symptoms after week 6 were so terrible; dizziness, puking around 8 times a day (and night), sleepy but mostly sick 24/7 so it was impossible for me to hide it.
That is also why you wouldn’t see me so present on IG in the last couple months.

I decided to share about my pregnancy early thinking that it would’ve been impossible for me to go through it all alone and hiding it, but I was also feeling very confident that if something bad happened, I would also openly share.

So here I am, sharing…

Something bad did happen, and on week 11 we found out that the sac had developed but the “egg” didn’t develop after week 7. It was more sad that we could have imagined (my husband and I).
We are both practical rational people but still we were deeply sad and disappointed. After this bad news it kept getting a bit worse, since I still had the sac (where the baby is supposed to grow) in my womb, my body thought I was still pregnant (having still all the terrible symptoms but with no possible happy outcome) and I had to go through a medical procedure to take it out which I had the choice of taking a pill that would make me bleed out for a full day, or going to a hospital get anestesia and have it taken out by a doctor. I chose the first one (because the sac was small enough) so here I am bleeding.

I am sharing it because I do believe it is important to normalize and understand how much pain a woman goes through from the moment of early pregnancy symptoms, and how in almost 40% of the fecundation cases something like this can happen ending the pregnancy during the first trimester.
I don’t agree with society’s recommendation on not sharing the news until we are sure “it will stick”. The result of that is so many women (and men) going through this blindly and alone. Which makes them feel isolated and some times even with “no real right” to be sad.
I remembered a video that Sascha Fitness shared some time ago when she went through the same, and I watched it again; it made me feel understood and made me understand that it happens much more often than we thought. That is was not our fault and there was nothing we could do to avoid it.
Also, watching someone else getting sad for a young pregnancy loss, and listening to her words validating the sadness and pain that you are living at the moment, was so positively impactful for me.
So yes, even now with my bad news, I encourage myself and everybody else to share about their pregnancy whenever they want, with no rules and limitations. It is amazing to feel the warmth and support from friends a family when/if something bad happens. I am today super grateful for my husband (the greatest loving support ever) and friends and family that were more loving and supportive that I would have imagined.

And we are in peace and confident that at the right time we will be great parents.

Thank you for the patience and for reading 🙂
and keep being patient with me while I get back on my two feet at work and life.
It appears that there will be exciting things happening professionally soon. I will share as soon as I can. 😉

p.s. writing about it has been therapeutic and I already feel good, hopeful and motivated. So if you find yourself in this situation and don’t feel comfortable sharing it with people, write about it, it helps! 🙂

One thought on “The unspoken weeks of pregnancy (sad ending)

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